Friday, March 3, 2017

What I've Learned From One Year of Marriage

A year ago on Sunday, Michael and I took that walk down the altar and vowed our lives to each other before our family, friends, and God. It has been the sweetest year of growth, learning, and laughter. Here's what 365 days of marriage has taught me.

This post isn't really to give information. Heaven knows after a year of marriage I don't know everything, or even much. This is really for me to look back on and see where we were after a year. To document the things I learned this year. 

Love is a choice. I read enough marriage books before we said "I do" to know intellectually that love is a choice. But this past year I've lived it. Love isn't about a fuzzy feeling, because sometimes that happy-go-lucky feeling just isn't there. Love is on the easy days, but it's also on the days where your spouse makes you mad. 

There is no room for pride in a marriage. Saying "I'm sorry" first isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign that you care what happens in and to your marriage. Learn to forgive, but also learn to ask for forgiveness. You'll need both. 

Marriage requires friendship. I absolutely agree that marriage requires chemistry. It does. But it also requires a deep friendship. Michael is the greatest friend I have. He's my confidant, my singing partner, the one I want to tell my exciting news first. I don't just love him, I like him.

Every marriage is different. Some people are touchy, some aren't. Some have date night every week and some don't. Some spend a lot of alone time together, and some prefer to hang out with friends often. Just because your marriage looks different, doesn't mean it's any less great. Don't get caught up wishing for what someone else has when God has blessed you with the perfect person for you.

No marriage is perfect. Social media tells us that everyone's lives are perfect, and they're not. Same goes for marriage. No marriage is perfect, no matter what their Instagram feed looks like. Work on your marriage. Enjoy your marriage. And understand that no marriage is perfect, but your marriage gets better as your work on it. 

Marriage is saying I'll love you forever, even though I don't know what forever holds. There are things we've walked through this year I never knew we'd face. There have been tough moments that we've walked together through, just because we said we would. That beautiful March day, I said yes to a life with Michael, even though I didn't (and don't) know exactly what that holds. But because I choose to love Michael, I'll face any problem in life choosing to have him beside me.

Follow Matthew 7:5. In a disagreement, always try to think of what you did first. Not what your spouse did wrong. What you did wrong. Did I have a bad attitude? Did I use a rude tone? How could I have prevented this? If you think like that, you're less likely to put blame on your spouse. One of the things I appreciate most about Michael is that when something is off between us, he always looks to see what his part in that was. And that makes me remember to do the same for myself.

We're on the same team. At the end of the day, you and your spouse are on the same team. You share a common goal: to stay happily married until your last breath. You don't want to yell at or hurt your teammate. You want to help them. This also reminds me that in an argument I don't need to be right, I need to help find a solution to the issue. 

Bonus: I try every day to ask myself, "What can I do to make my spouse's day better?" Then go do that. A little thoughtfulness goes a long way. 

What are some things you've learned this year about marriage? 

1 comment:

  1. Congrats!!!!! I love this so much!! Also, that whole "saying sorry first" thing is rouuuugh. I'm still struggling with that, 4+ years in!