Monday, August 11, 2014

Four Years of Grace

In a little over one month I'll celebrate the four year anniversary of me finding out I was pregnant. This time every year I get especially emotional as I look back on mine and Lincoln's journey.

As I sit in his room I'm surrounded by dinosaurs, glow in the dark stars, a multitude of trains, and most importantly, my favorite person in the world. It's been forever since I've written, but tonight I feel like I need to.

It's been almost four years since I sat in a doctor's office as a 17 year old where she quietly told me I was pregnant. What a day that was. So many thoughts and emotions flooded my mind. How can I raise a child alone? How can I do it financially, emotionally, physically, spiritually?

The statistics have weighed against us since that first day. They said we'd never make it, said we'd fail miserably. He'd be a bad child, they said. We'd live in poverty, they said.

I remember during my pregnancy thinking, How will I be able to raise a child without a husband/father in the home?

Throughout this journey I've learned a lot of things, but one most important.

Jesus bridges the gaps.

Jesus fills in the spaces. Jesus completes our family. He takes what the world says can't be done and does it. He holds our family of two in his arms.

I used to wonder if we'd make it because I'm a single mom but now I know better. Because Jesus is husband. Jesus is Daddy. Jesus is the best in every role and every relationship and there is no man on earth who could compare to Him.

I sit and I'm overwhelmed. Because The Jesus of the universe loves me and my little boy. Because when the world counted us out, The Jesus of the universe looked at a 17 year old pregnant teenager and said, "She's mine. She's worth it. And I'm going to take care of her and her child."

It's been quite a road. It's been filled with joy and amazement and wonder. At 17 I never could've imagined sitting on a twin bed in my brother's old room looking at a three year old who is mine. He amazes me. He is handsome. He is smart. He is hilarious. He's got a heart of gold. He's everything I never knew I always needed. I never knew I could love anyone this much, and my love only gets stronger every day.

As I sit in the darkness of his room, watching him sleep so peacefully I just know.. God's got us. In the chaos of life, God isn't phased. He's not surprised, shocked, or scared by our situation. And when Jesus promises to never leave us, He means it.

You are my whole world.
And then some.

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