Friday, May 2, 2014

The Idol of "I do"

The beautiful dress. The gorgeous ring. Perfect hair. That walk down the aisle. Something old, something new. Something borrowed, something blue. We ladies thrive on it. We ladies dream of it. And sometimes, we ladies even idolize it.

Jonah 2:8 NIV

We love the idea of a wedding. But have we gone too far?

I'm not sure when we became in love with the idea of getting married, but I'm pretty sure it occurred when Pinterest became so popular. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there were girls idolizing marriage before, but now it's like we've planned our weddings before we're even dating someone. If you want to know who wants a marriage the most, check out their wedding board on Pinterest. And don't act like you don't have one; yours is probably private {Hey, I'm talking to myself here}.

Don't get me wrong. I want to get married. But it's not at the center of who I am. It's not all I think about or all I dream about. Because get this. There's a possibility that God doesn't have that in His plans for me {or you}. And trust me, I get it. The mere thought scares us to death. We hate the idea of being "forever alone". Sure, we joke about it, but really we're not joking. It terrifies us to think that we'll never get married.

Somewhere along the way we starting rooting our value in whether someone is pursuing us or not. Beautiful girl, you were beautiful and priceless long before anyone said you were. You are beautiful and priceless because of what a Holy God did for you. You are who He says you are and that is His treasured possession.

I'm always amazed when I hear girls who have been dating their significant other {for usually less than a year} say something along the lines of "Yeah, I'm happy we're dating but I'm just ready to get married. All of my friends are getting married and I just want to, also."

{Usually those people are under the age of 25 and complain about how they've waited so long to get married. Um, hello? Are you counting from age 5 or from the time you could really put together clear thoughts of marriage? Because if it's the latter, than you really haven't waited that long.}

If you're looking for "the wedding", then you're looking for the next big thing. And if that's the case you're going to be unsatisfied the rest of your life. Because one big thing will come and go and you'll look for the next big thing. Soon you'll run out of "big things" and you won't even know the man at the breakfast table.

It drives me nuts when people just want to be dating, and then they just want to be engaged, and then they just wanted to be married. I get it. I totally do. But you're completely missing the point. Because if marriage is about WHO God has allowed you to be with, then whether you're dating, engaged, or married, you've fulfilled the purpose. You're with that person. You've made it. Be satisfied in where God has you, not where you dream {and pin 6,459 images a day} of.

He fulfills His promises!!!!

We can try all day to suppress our desires for a marriage, but at the end of the day we can't because it's a heart issue. We {myself included} subconsciously think that being married will complete us. {As if we're somehow not complete until "the one" comes along.} No man will ever complete you. He can be an incredible man of God, fully wrapped up in grace and the truth of God's word, and just perfect for you.. But he still won't make you whole.

You're not incomplete single. You're not incomplete engaged. You're not incomplete married. You're incomplete when God doesn't have your whole heart and you haven't allowed Him to satisfy you completely. It's not that God doesn't have the power to satisfy you, it's that you won't let Him.

If you're looking for a husband, He's the best you can have. If you're looking for a lover, He's the best you'll get. If you're looking for satisfaction, it's only found in Him.

This is beautiful.

Like I said before, I'm not against wanting to be married. In fact, it's a huge desire of mine. But we really need to get down to the heart of it all. Do we want a marriage {the good, the bad, and the ugly} or do we just want a Pinterest-perfect wedding day? Are we looking for wholeness out of a marriage, or a Christ-centered oneness that points all people towards Jesus?

Somewhere between the millions of pins about color schemes and bouquets we forgot the meaning of marriage. Because marriage isn't the pretty ring, the white dress, or the first dance. That's the wedding day. That's 24 hours {actually less} that no one but you and your husband will remember later. 

The marriage is the day in and day out. It's the moments of joy and the moments of sorrow. It's when the husband leaves his shoes laying around the house and the wife wears yoga pants entirely too often. It's watching your children play in their first t-ball game. It's being the biggest cheerleader in your spouses life. It's about loving each other even when the wrinkles and grey hair come. It's the fights and the tears and the heartache.. but it's doing it together. It's serving someone and loving someone more than yourself. It's having someone to lean on and love for the rest of your life. It's pursuing each other daily for the rest of your lives. It's not until you get sick of each other, it's until death do us part. It's saying I'm in this forever, no matter what comes our way.


It's great to want all those things, but it's wrong to idolize it. Marriage is fine as a desire but it's deadly as an idol.

Your life is just as important single as it is when you're married. We have to seek God with everything in us and trust that God has it all in His hands. Pursue God. Pursue holiness. Chase God. Let God refine you daily so that when He does bring your spouse, you're completely ready for them. You can't fully love a husband until you fully love Christ. And you can't fully love Christ being wrapped up in the idol of marriage.

And although I desire to be the bride of a Godly man here on earth, I desire infinitely more to be the bride of Christ. To know and be known by the Lover of my soul, the Creator of my heart, and The One who loves and knows me most.

God knows your heart. He loves you so much more than anyone else can. He knows every thought, every desire, every hurt. You can rest easy knowing that He's got it in control.



  1. Friend, you have done it again!! This is beautiful!! Please write a book! :) This part really spoke to me!!

    "You're not incomplete single. You're not incomplete engaged. You're not incomplete married. You're incomplete when God doesn't have your whole heart and you haven't allowed Him to satisfy you completely. It's not that God doesn't have the power to satisfy you, it's that you won't let Him"

    Umm, talk about a slap of truth and grace to my face! So good!! Love this and you!

    1. I'm praying about it. I'll let you know when I start! ;)

      Love you!

  2. Wonderful post! I think the idea behind this post can be applied to other areas too... for me, I often idolize mommy-hood (no kiddos yes!). A good reminder to rest easy in God's control :)

    1. You're right! We idolize a lot of things, don't we?! His timing is perfect!

  3. I think this was an excellently written post. Marriage is a good thing, yes. I had probably an unusual experience in that I chose to get married much younger and earlier than I had expected to or planned on. But I have long believed that if you are an "unhappy" single person you will find yourself an "unhappy" married person--because marriage doesn't fulfill you, it truly doesn't. I always tell my little sister, who's only 20 but constantly talks about how she wants to get married--enjoy this time. Singleness is a unique season in life and you have no idea how long it may or may not last. It's not worth it to "wish away" this season of your life--enjoy it, and grow in it!

    1. There really are many people who get married young for the right reasons, and it completely works. I can tell by your blog that you're one of them! I think we're always looking for the next thing, and like you said, wish away this season.