Friday, December 6, 2013

You're Gonna Miss This

When Lincoln was less than a year old, I saw single parenting as daunting. My heart so longed for a family, with a husband to share Lincoln's milestones and accomplishments with. A husband to help me financially, spiritually, and physically. My heart hurt about this for a long time. It was hard, and not a very fun season.  It took a lot of late night talks with God and a whole lot of tears but I'm so thankful for the way that God has brought me to a place of contentment about this.

I am content in the fact that it is just Lincoln and I right now. I'm content that this is what God's plans are all about right now. Me and my sweet boy; our little but beautifully blessed family of two.

I still have dreams though. I want to be a nurse and be a mom. I can't wait to have a career and a home for me and Linc. I do want to get married one day, and I do want more children.

One of mine and Linc's favorite things to do is jump on the trampoline together. Because he has no siblings, I end up jumping with him just about every time he decides he wants to. When he asks, "Jump with me, Momma!" I can't help but give in. It brings him so much joy which in turn brings me so much joy.

Today we were jumping and he was laughing to the point of falling down. He just couldn't stop. We jumped big and high and he just laughed and laughed. And then we jumped and tried to make my flip flops bounce high and he laughed some more. The sun was shining down on his face and he was radiant with God's joy.

This single mom season in my life is such a huge blessing. Sometimes I'm exhausted and I have to drink way too much coffee to get me through the day. Sometimes I'm overwhelmed and just want someone else to help me discipline. Sometimes I just want someone else to give him a bath that night. As much as I dream of certain things, I know one day I will miss this. I know I'll miss just him and I jumping on the trampoline laughing. I know I'll miss the snuggles in bed with just the two of us. I know I'll miss only going on dates with my sweet two year old. I know I'll miss cuddling extra because it's just us. This season of being a single mom to Linc man is so so special to me, even despite it's challenges and frustrations occasionally. I will always look back upon this season with a special fondness, a joy that it took me almost a year to see. God has so beautifully shown me the beauty in every season, and this one is no different. Despite the fact that it is hard sometimes, I love being a single mom. It's an honor to be called that, if only because God gave me that title and trusted me with Lincoln's life, despite my not being married.

For so long, I looked at my season of single parenting as a negative thing, and I wanted to get out of it as soon as possible. But then God so sweetly opened my eyes to the beauty that was all around me. The truth is, I probably missed out on a lot of blessings early in Lincoln's life because I was so wrapped up in something that was not part of God's timing. I wanted what I wanted, and I wanted it now. My dreams and wants weren't {and aren't} a sin, but the way I was so obsessed with them was.

The season of life you're in right now is a gift. It may be a hard season, it may be tough, but it's something God gave you. It's something He trusted you with and He has every intention of giving you His strength to get you through it, if you'll just ask Him. It's okay to have dreams, to have goals in life.. But it's not okay to miss the life you have just because you want something so badly. It is possible to find a blessing in the storm. It is possible to find joy in the hard times. And it is completely possible to find the blessings God has for you in this season you're in.

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. {Philippians 4:11-12}

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