Thursday, November 21, 2013

My Husband will Never Complete Me

I believe in love. I love fairytales and happily ever afters. I love movies like The Notebook because somewhere in my brain I really do believe that when marriages are played out by God's standards, they can be our beautiful happily ever afters. I'll go a step further and admit I am that girl who sits smiling {unbeknownst to me} stupidly at the screen/pages as I watch/read about two people falling in love.

But somewhere down the road of pretty rings, lace dresses, and adorable ring bearers, our society twisted our views on marriage and the role of the person that we marry.

Entirely too often I hear people say, "He/she completes me." Hold up. I'm sorry. Were you not whole to start with? You were incomplete all of those years of singleness? I must be missing something. Does that mean I'm incomplete right now? The more and more I think about that statement, the more I realize how ridiculous it is. {Please, future husband, never say those words to me.}

The truth is, we've fallen captive to the thought that somehow our lives and our being starts when we get married. When we find that person, then we can do great things. Then we can be who it is God has called us to be. But what about the years that we're single? Do they not have any meaning? Are we supposed to wait, completely discontent with being alone? I don't think so.

God has called us to be His in our childhood, our teenage years, our 20s, our 30s.. and so on regardless of our marital status. He calls us to be whole in Him, to find our worth in Him, before that person comes along. So often we {especially women} say things like, "I can't really make a difference right now, but when I get married I'll be able to do this, this, and this." Your worth is not tied up in your future spouse, is it tied up in what Christ did for you on the cross. And when we know this and understand it, we find our worth long before that person arrives.

When we expect our spouse to complete us, we put an incredibly heavy burden on their shoulders. We begin to idolize the person, instead of idolizing God. They literally become everything in our lives, and we put the God who saved us on the back burner. In every way, your spouse should complement you. They should lift you up, they should love you with action, and they should spend their lives learning how to love you more every day. But never should they complete you. Because the truth us, it's not our spouses job to complete us. The Creator completed us; that role is already filled.

It's much like having kids. Just because we don't have children doesn't mean we're not complete and can't do incredible things. We may want children, pray for them, and hope to have them one day, but the absence of children does not make us incomplete. When we realize who God is and the completeness we have in Him, the beauty of the love he brings us is that much more radiant. The beauty is that a holy God would allow us to know His love so that we can better love and serve our spouses.

So future husband, you can complement me, but you'll never complete me.

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