Monday, October 14, 2013

What Have I Dedicated my Life to?

Can I tell you that when God laid this on my heart, I didn't like it. Why? Because I knew I was wrong. I knew that I was failing at something. I knew I was messing up. And then God laid it on my heart to share it on the blog and I liked that idea even less. For one, I'd have to admit I'm not perfect {I know, you're surprised}, and two, I'd have to make some other people admit to themselves that they're messing up, too. But I'm doing it full of grace, with a smile on my face, and not condemning anyone in the least. We're not perfect, and it's good when God guides us to work on an area of our life because then we can become more like Him.

The other day on a bike ride I was listening to the Jesus Culture song, 'I'm a Lover of Your Presence'. {If you've never heard of them, go check them out, they're incredible} In the first line it says,

Let this be a sacrifice, let me dedicate my life to worship You

And God said, "Carrington, what are you dedicating your life to? Is it me?"

And I sadly thought, no, not really.

I started thinking of what I dedicate my life to and honestly came up with one thing, Lincoln. I thought about how I dedicate my life to being a mom. Every thought, every action I take is to make sure he's protected, safe, clothed, fed, happy, loved.. Don't take that the wrong way, I don't think I'm doing anything wrong by making sure he is all those things. I believe that God wants me to do those things because He has called me to be Lincoln's mom. Where I've been going wrong is that I dedicate my life to all of that, but I only dedicate 30 minutes of my time to God a day.

This next part is going to sound un-holy, so sorry, friend. I have read books that say that as soon as you wake up, before you're feet hit the floor, you should start praying and asking how can God use me today? While I think that is absolutely wonderful {if you're a morning person}, I know I can't do that. For one, I don't wake up before Lincoln; he wakes me up. Before my eyes are open I hear, "Wake up, Momma." and feel his two precious hands picking my head up off my pillow. And two, I don't think of anything in the morning, at all. I do everything half asleep.

Granted, we can't sit at home for 24 hours a day and sit on our couches and pray and read scripture. But once my non-morning person self wakes up a bit, I can start thinking about God. I can be praying. I can dedicate myself to being like Christ all day. Obviously, I will fail sometimes, but I will fail a lot more if I don't even think about being like Him. I can go to work/school and pray during the day. I can be Jesus to the people I run across. I can find time to sit down with Him sometime within the time I'm awake and meditate on His word. I can dedicate my life to Him, I just haven't been. I've been dedicating parts of my days to Him, while others I don't stop a minute to think of Him.

Thankfully God gave me a whole lot of grace and filled me with hope that He could change that because He's not finished with me yet. So these past few days I have been praying hard about that. I have been working on it. I'm excited to see how God changes my life through my short talks with Him on sunny bike rides!

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