Wednesday, March 13, 2013

I'm in Love

It's 12:18 am. I'm in Lincoln's room right now in complete darkness other than the computer screen and his Toy Story night light. Watching him sleep and dream and thanking God for this wonderful child who calls me Mommy. It's funny to think that I answer more to Mommy than I do to Carrington. Two years ago this time I had a big belly and I was putting finishing touches on a room for a baby I had never met, but even then loved with all my heart. Funny how the room that had a crib and a changing table is now the room that has a Buzz Lightyear bed and holds my almost two year old while he sleeps. It's so crazy how God's plans aren't usually ours. But His are always so much better than ours. He's an angel, my Lincoln. An angel sent by God to change my life and my heart. To teach me strength and wisdom, and how to love. Really love. There's something so perfect about a child sleeping. The word grace comes to mind. Why? I really don't know. But in the emotions of watching my angel sleep, and listening to his breathing, grace comes to mind. Grace.. because I didn't deserve for Jesus to die on a cross to save me. Grace.. because I didn't deserve to become Mommy to this sweet child. It's so amazing looking back at all God's brought us through in just two short years. In one month my child will be two. Where did these past two years go? And what was life like before I had him? Heck if I know. Not a life full of joy or unconditional love, that's for sure. This adventure is not one I planned, but it has been better than anything I could have ever dreamed.

I'm rambling. But here's my heart. I love my son. Unconditionally. Forever. I love him with every single piece of my heart. And I am so grateful out of all the women on the earth that God chose me to be his mom.

And now I think I'll go climb in his bed and snuggle with him for a while. Goodnight, friends.

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