Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Breaking Chains

When I was seventeen, I was in bondage. No, maybe not bondage like you would immediately assume. I wasn't tied up, I wasn't chained to anything. But as a seventeen year old, I was in an overwhelming amount of mental, emotional and spiritual bondage. I was chained to doubt, insecurity, and a relationship.. And it was awful. My life had no joy and no freedom. September 17th, 2010 I sat on a table in a doctor's office and listened to the words, "You're pregnant." My stomach immediately knotted up. The tears didn't come, but the fear did. My mind began to race a million miles a minute and thousands of questions flooded my brain. September 20th, 2010 I sat exactly where I'm sitting now with my parents and coughed out the words that would soon become my greatest joy. Shortly after, my comfort zone was shaken when the relationship began to crumble. I was alone. This was my journey and I was the one who was going to carry the load. But then God reminded me, "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." And I realized, people on this earth will let me down, but my God never will. He strengthened me. He held tight to His promise.. "But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." I like to think I became supermom then but I know the strength would never have come from myself alone. He did it all. He was the reason I faced a teenage pregnancy alone, and conquered it. Fast forward. April 19th, 2011 at 4:28 in the morning I delivered my greatest miracle. Tonight I went and sat down at the side of that sweet miracle's bed and thought.. God freed me. Even though I didn't know it, God broke chains when I found out I was pregnant. He broke the chains when I told my parents, when the relationship ended, when I delivered my sweet angel. God used my son to break chains in my life, to rescue me from the bondage that was drowning me. The more I think back on the past three years, the more I realize that freedom isn't doing what you want when you want to do it. Freedom is walking down God's path for your life. True freedom is submitting to the fact that God knows what He's doing and He knows when He needs to do it. Freedom for me is the smile on my toddler's face when he jumps on his Buzz Lightyear bed. Freedom is when he runs and jumps in my arms and gives me 'sugar kisses.' It's when I hear "Momma!" down the hall. It's cuddling on a Saturday morning, and prayers at night. It's running as fast as I can with my 31 pound child in my arms through downtown just so he can watch the train pass by, or watching his mouth turn blue while he eats Superman ice cream. Freedom is realizing that God has a plan, and it usually involves things I couldn't begin imagine.. such as my surprise miracle named Lincoln:)

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed! John 8:36

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Precious Moments

Caution: This is going to be sappy. It may possibly even make you think.

How many moments do we let just pass up by? How many precious moments do we not appreciate? Trust me. I'm preaching to myself here. Or rather, God preached this to me tonight. I've realized the past few years, the more quiet I get, the more clearly I hear God. And the more quiet I get, the more sweet moments I have in life. This was evident tonight..

Lincoln loves Toy Story. But more importantly, he loves Buzz Lightyear. I mean really, he LOVES Buzz. Everything is 'Bu!" (His way of saying Buzz). With his second birthday quickly approaching (WAY too quickly approaching), I had decided that I was going to move him into a toddler bed when he turned two. However, I'm obviously not very good at waiting to give him things, thus the trampoline that is actually his second birthday present that got put together almost two months ago and he has been playing on ever since. I mean, really. I just like to see him smile! Back to my point.. I started looking at toddler beds to get him. I mean, his crib turns into a toddler bed, but what fun would that be? I began looking for Toy Story toddler beds and long story short, found one on Craigslist and went and picked it up today. I got my mom to distract Lincoln while I brought it in and set it up in his room. As I was taking his changing table out of his room I started looking back at all the things in his room and thinking back to when my mom and I set up his room while I was pregnant with him. Right after a really rough part of the pregnancy, my mom and I started working on Lincoln's room. We set up the crib with all his monkey sheets and blankets. We hung his name on his wall. We put monkey stickers on the wall. It was such a sweet time with my mom. It was probably when we started becoming so close and I started realizing who had really been there my whole life, and who always would be. Now I look back, and I cherish that memory and those moments with my mom. That's why tonight, I got teary eyed when I looked back at my little baby boy's room. He's almost two, and he's seriously growing up on me. Call me emotional, but it's so true. He's not my 6 pound 10 ounce baby boy anymore. I put him down at eight like usual, and I think the change scared him. He started crying and calling, 'Momma! Momma!" So I went and layed in his little Buzz Lightyear spaceship with him. I layed under his Toy Story comforter and we laughed back and forth while he played with my face and wouldn't settle down. My feet dangled off the edge and he hogged most of the bed. I'd get a serious look on my face and tell him we needed to stop playing and go to bed, and then he'd do something funny, grin, and we'd start giggling all over again. He'd close his eyes and lay his arm over me and I'd watch my little God given miracle move. And I honestly can't put into words what I felt during the hour that I layed with him but I can say that it was one of my favorite moments since Lincoln has been born. There is something about the laughter and innocence of a child (especially your own) that makes you value and appreciate life that much more.

What if we lived life being grateful for every moment that God brought our way? I mean, what would have happened if I had been eager to rush out of Lincoln's room to the next thing I needed to do? What if I hadn't gone and layed with him? And gotten to laugh with him and experience that joy? I would have missed out. I've watched people my age lose their parents this year. And people lose their children. Having Lincoln has taught me that life flies by. We need to slow down and learn to appreciate every day and every moment that we have. God gives us special moments to enjoy. To laugh. To cry. And to love every minute of it. We just have to take the time to revel in them. And maybe, just maybe, if we appreciated the special moments God gives us, He would give even more.
   
Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure. [Psalm 16:9]

Monday, February 11, 2013

Slacking

I'm so sorry! It's been a few days since I've posted anything, or maybe even longer than that. Life has been crazy here at the Fussell house the past week. As some of you know, Lincoln has been sick since two weeks before Thanksgiving. He had one week before Christmas when he was better, and then woke up Christmas night sick again and has been sick till about a week ago. For a week he was better and then he started having cold symptoms again. On Friday, he broke out in rash all over his body and also has a yeast infection. My poor angel is feeling so awful, and it shows. Linc is always so happy and fun, and this weekend was tough to see him feeling so terrible. I took him to urgent care on Saturday because his pediatrician was closed but things aren't getting better. Tomorrow he goes to his doctor and hopefully I can get some answers and help him feel better. On the up side, he has slept through the night the past two nights which is such a blessing. Friday night he didn't go to bed till three so I've been sleeping on his bedroom floor ever since. Thank God momma gets to go back to her bed tonight! Also, even though I haven't been posting, God's been showing me a lot the past few days and I already know of two things I will be posting within the next two weeks! This is going to be a crazy school week because I have to have all homework done by Friday night, so I may start the posting this weekend! Keep checking back, God's got a lot to say!

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Lincoln Update!

I used to have a blog dedicated to my pregnancy and after Lincoln was born I just updated about him there. A lot of people have been asking for me to write an update on him so here we go..

Lincoln is doing great! He is two months shy of being two years old! He was weighed about two weeks ago and he is about 31 pounds. I'm pretty sure he's going to be as big as me soon. He's wearing 2T clothes for the most part, but can still fit into a few of his 24 months clothes.

Linc just got over being sick since two weeks before Thanksgiving. Yeah, you heard me right. He's been sick for almost three months now. Thankfully I think he's finally kicked it! He is so so so smart and saying new things every day. Some of his newest words are ouch, school, papa, momo, Pearce, up, yumm, night, and whoops. He loves anything that has to do with cars, trucks, firetrucks, ambulances, and police cars. His favorite movies are Horton Hears a Who and Mighty Machines. He gives HUGE hugs now and lots of kisses. He can say everyone in the family's names: Momma, Papa, G's (pronounced geez for my mom), Momo (my sister), Pearce, Matt, and Dotch (Chance). He loves to play outside in the dirt and he loves to play on his trampoline. He loves to run and ride bikes. He loves fruit loops and pancakes. He randomly grabs my phone, holds it up in front of his face, and smiles like he's taking a picture. He loves taking pictures with me. He had his first hair cut a week ago. His personality amazes me. He is so incredibly laid back, and loves life. He laughs constantly. I think that's about it.. but I'm sure I'll think of something later! I'm pretty sure I just rambled, but I'm doing this while Lincoln's asleep and he'll be up soon!






First Hair Cut

I was planning on posting this a week ago and just never got around to it. So Linc had his very first haircut last saturday, January 26th, and it did not go well at all! I mean, his haircut is adorable but the process of getting it cut was awful. Seeing as how he hates for his hair to be touched, I figured that's what would happen. But he did better than I expected and I am so proud of him! Now he looks like a big boy! And of course I took lots of pictures, so enjoy!